The bad scenario happened.
As of late Thursday night, no one was coming to L’s first birthday party. All bar one of my best friends and her 3 year old who were coming early to help set up and have a catch up. I informed her no one was coming so was going to call off the party to save myself the sheer humiliation of it all, but we’d have a day of it instead.
I stared at the £60 odd worth of party food, the cake my mum spent hours making and had a bit of a cry.
I went to bed, and woke up feeling even worse than the night before.
Then, by some small miracle, two of the girls who I didn’t think were originally attending said they would make it, just a little late, and my sister’s mother in law said she would bring her four youngest as well. Elated, I informed my other friend of the new plan.
11:30 came, and went. 12 o’clock. 1 o’clock. 1:30. Still no friend. I messaged her, no response although I could see she was online.
The party was brilliant, the kids played nicely and the food got eaten.
6 o’clock came and everyone went home, still absolutely no word from this “friend”.
L’s dad was staying the night, I suppose the first step on working towards him being able to have her on his own eventually, so I cleaned up and got ready for bed. As I sat in silence in the semi-darkness, L all tucked up in bed and I was feeling rather exhausted I ascertained I was actually deeply hurt by this “friend’s” actions.
For some background,I had let her stay with me for a week a month or so back, which put me in hot water with L’s old social worker (who we had due to my previous housing situation). I wasn’t allowed anyone to stay at my house more than 3 nights a week, a rule I broke on several occasions. But this friend also had dealings with social for her child, for very different reasons. L’s social worker calls to check in on us occasionally and I let slip that this friend was staying with us, and she reminded me I could get in trouble with my landlord and it could cause a domino affect of issues. I let her stay on other occasions and let her keep all her things here. I also facilitated her contact with her son, and took them out a couple of times.
So for her to not turn up at L’s party, well, it stung. Especially as I had made dairy free food options for her son, who’s lactose intolerant.
I expressed my hurt at her actions and I was rewarded with probably the nastiest thing anyone has said about me to date. And to make it worse, she had published this on her public Facebook for everyone to see- on L’s birthday.
I was in bits. Which of course looks great in front of L’s father, when we already have an awkward co-parenting relationship.
As if the public humiliation wasn’t bad enough, L’s godmother didn’t stick up for me, instead went and picked her up in her car and spent the day with her.
The Legoland tickets I had got for us all as a Mother’s Day gift for this friend sit on my windowsill, a bitter reminder as to why you shouldn’t go above and beyond for people who you know care about no one but themselves.
Of course L won’t remember any of this and had no idea what was occurring, but it’s left a very bitter taste in my mouth.
Her birthday was lovely, we visited the small community farm and the park and had lunch, and she got to spend the day with her father, and mothers day we spent with L’s grandmother (her father’s mother) and step-grandfather.
But the entire weekend had just been ruined by the selfish and nasty actions of someone I was stupid enough to call my friend. Reeling from how nasty someone could be to and about me and my child, I cut more and more people out of my life. It’s hard to tell what’s actually a bad situation and what’s just my head twisting things out of proportion at times, but this was just blatant hatefulness.
Not sure I’ll even be bothering with a party next year, that’s for sure.